The blond needs a decaf!

Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of the local college. This is the story of an actual conversation between him and a certain blonde customer:

Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it.

Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk?

Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee.

Me: Is there more milk or coffee?

Her: Oh, definitely more coffee.

Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk.

Her: Just the usual amount of milk.

Me: A coffee with milk.

Her: Yes.

Me: Anything else?

Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine?

Me: We do have decaf.

Her: No, I don't want decaf, just some coffee without the caffeine.

Me: Ma'am, that's what decaf means, no caffeine.

Her: Oh, then do you have milk with no caffeine?

Me: Milk doesn't come with caffeine.

Her: Yes it does.

Me: Not that I know of, where do you get your milk?

Her: It doesn't say caffeine free on the milk so it must have caffeine.

Me: Oh, you're right, my mistake, I forgot that we only get the decaf milk. No problem, we have only decaf milk. Anything else?

Her: Do you have any bagels?

Bill: (who has been listening all along): I'm sorry, ma'am, we're all out of decaf bagels.

Her: Well, what are those? (pointing at sesame bagels)

Bill: Those are sesame donuts with extra caffeine added.

Her: I guess I'll just have the coffee.

Her: Do you take credit cards?

Me: No ma'am, cash only.

Her: What about Visa?

Me: Is that a credit card?

Her: Well, yes.

Bill: Is it cash?

Her: No.

Bill: Then no, we can't take it.

Her: What about checks?

Me: Cash ma'am, nothing else.

Her: O.K.

Her: How much is that?

Bill: Eleven dollars and 45 cents.

Her: Really?

Bill: New war in Alaska is ruining the coffee business, plus you wanted the coffee with no caffeine, that's hard to find now, had to grow it myself.

Her: O.K. (proceeds to write a check)

Bill: Please leave.

Her: Why?

Bill: You're raising my blood pressure, leave now.

Her: But what about my coffee?

Bill: Leave and never return.

She leaves, but pays the $11.45 first. Seriously.