Bite Me

Cancer sucks!

2010-01-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

Cancer sucks! I really wish they find a cure for all types of Cancer that is out there..I am really tired of losing loved ones and friends out there to that terriable disease..I lost my father in December to Cancer after they pulled his plug..The cancer took over his whole body in a very short amount of time..
We all are dealing with his loss differently..I am not really sure how my mother is taking his death, she really doesnt talk about stuff or her feelings so it is anybodies guess..I know it is hard on the kids and myself..

The blond needs a decaf!

2009-08-20T09:28:00.001-07:00

Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of the local college. This is the story of an actual conversation between him and a certain blonde customer:

Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it.

Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk?

Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee.

Me: Is there more milk or coffee?

Her: Oh, definitely more coffee.

Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk.

Her: Just the usual amount of milk.

Me: A coffee with milk.

Her: Yes.

Me: Anything else?

Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine?

Me: We do have decaf.

Her: No, I don't want decaf, just some coffee without the caffeine.

Me: Ma'am, that's what decaf means, no caffeine.

Her: Oh, then do you have milk with no caffeine?

Me: Milk doesn't come with caffeine.

Her: Yes it does.

Me: Not that I know of, where do you get your milk?

Her: It doesn't say caffeine free on the milk so it must have caffeine.

Me: Oh, you're right, my mistake, I forgot that we only get the decaf milk. No problem, we have only decaf milk. Anything else?

Her: Do you have any bagels?

Bill: (who has been listening all along): I'm sorry, ma'am, we're all out of decaf bagels.

Her: Well, what are those? (pointing at sesame bagels)

Bill: Those are sesame donuts with extra caffeine added.

Her: I guess I'll just have the coffee.

Her: Do you take credit cards?

Me: No ma'am, cash only.

Her: What about Visa?

Me: Is that a credit card?

Her: Well, yes.

Bill: Is it cash?

Her: No.

Bill: Then no, we can't take it.

Her: What about checks?

Me: Cash ma'am, nothing else.

Her: O.K.

Her: How much is that?

Bill: Eleven dollars and 45 cents.

Her: Really?

Bill: New war in Alaska is ruining the coffee business, plus you wanted the coffee with no caffeine, that's hard to find now, had to grow it myself.

Her: O.K. (proceeds to write a check)

Bill: Please leave.

Her: Why?

Bill: You're raising my blood pressure, leave now.

Her: But what about my coffee?

Bill: Leave and never return.

She leaves, but pays the $11.45 first. Seriously.

The nun`s underwear!

2009-08-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.

One day, they heard, "Yellow, blue, black." One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.

The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke, "Black, black, black."

Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished. One of the nuns spoke up, "Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird." After saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments.

Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house. They peeked at the bird.

At the beginning, the parrot looked a bit puzzled. He swung back and forth on the cane he was perched on.

Then, after a while, the Parrot spoke, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"

Taxes and School

2009-06-16T15:08:00.005-07:00

We pay enough taxes already for everything we do including the school district..We already help supply the classrooms with basic stuff that they need for the school year...Why in Arizona do we need to pay for summer school if the school is asking for the child to take a certain class just to pass? Alot of other schools around the United Stated do not charge for summer school and yet we do...
My daughter needed to retake a math class so she can go to the 8th grade..I had to pay $200 for her take the one class just for math only-just for the month of June! I couldn`t pay the whole thing, my mother in law helped us out with some of the money for summer school..
Alot of other schools throughout the U.S. don`t have the parents pay a dime to do anything or go to summer school...Arizona is screwed up in the school department when it comes to our kids future and alot of can`t afford alot of stuff the school is asking us to pay for..

Definitions by mom

2009-03-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets.

APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.

BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.

BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.

DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.

DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."

EAR: A place where kids store dirt.

ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.

EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.

FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM"

GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.

HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded By, but not containing, dirty clothing.

HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirtsleeves, drapes, etc.

HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.

ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty.

JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals.

JUNK: Dad's stuff.

KISS: Mom medicine.

LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.

MAYBE: No.

OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats, cars and animals.

OPEN: The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company.

OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.

I hate it when.....

2009-02-09T15:14:00.004-07:00

I hate it when drivers slam on their brakes when they 1 rain drop on their windshield! Don`t you?
Or how about when they text and drive at the same time? Don`t they realize they can cause accidents by doing those things? Like even talking on the cellphone while they are driving?
Alot of people don`t have common sense when they get behind the wheel..They should not get behind the wheel and do stupid things...

The name says it all

2009-02-08T22:20:00.001-07:00

Want to be a co-author with me here? The name of this blog pretty much says it all..You can say whatever off you want to get off your chest or breast...Whatever you call it...